you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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