I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
