Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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