He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
