i think my tv is drunk
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
