the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
