i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
