I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
