we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
