Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
