...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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