Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
