One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
