The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
