his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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