she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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