I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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