i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
