I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
