i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
