He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
