Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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