Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
