is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
