just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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