I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize