Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
being pregnant is like rehab
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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