I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
