he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
