I love black thongs
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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