dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
