Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
