I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
