Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
3 2 1 whiskey
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Pooping to opera.
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