nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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