When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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