I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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