she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it glows. i had to have it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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