never play flip cup with pint glasses
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
