your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
