i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize