i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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