I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
