Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
