The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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