It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize