Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
