he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
