I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
