I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
