Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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