I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
