Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize