did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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