So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
