the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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