oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
