Hey man sorry I got all grabby
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
