U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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